To say that the adjustment to motherhood was easy, natural, instinctive - well that would be a lie. Let me take you back about 3 1/2 years. I married the love of my life, Stephen Barnes, on March 17, 2006. The first year of marriage was incredibly difficult for me. When asked in an interview for a new job, "What is your weakness?" I always respond absolutely, "CHANGE!" I am a creature of habit, routine, and order. I was unaware of my need for routine as a child or even as a young adult, albeit, as I grew up I started to realize how much I like to have the same events happen from day to day. During my first year of marriage I had to adjust to many different changes. I was unaware of how they would impact my life. These adjustments truly helped me grow into a better person. I realized during that first year that my life wasn't ALL about ME and that I can't or couldn't get my way ALL the time. Maybe none of you had to go through that. Maybe you had realized that much earlier in life. I was married at 25 so I had really become accustomed to having my own way ALL the time. Stephen and I really grew up in 2006.
Well 2009 rolled around and I had very much settled into my routine of life. I was able to do anything and everything I wanted, well, within reason. Something changed February 19 of this year. My life became ALL about EDWARD! At first I thought, "I can do this. Babysitting is easy." Then I realized Edward's Mom was never going to come and pick him up so I could go back to my own life. HA! I AM EDWARD'S MOM! So the sleepless nights turned into sleepless months. I had to grow up. Stephen had to grow up. We had to change. I am not saying I have it all figured out. Believe me, that is a bold face lie. There is much more to this "mothering" job than I originally thought. I, honestly, believed that babies did not cry when their mothers held them. HA HA! Wow, Edward can really cry. His cry actually sounds like he is in some kind of trouble all of the time. I check his body for bite marks; I check his temperature; I check everything. Nope, nothing wrong. Just cries. Obviously, the crying has started to fizzle but I did learn that a baby will cry in his mothers arms just as much as in another persons arms. Motherhood is the hardest task I have EVER taken on.
I am truly grateful for this challenge. There are nights that I pray I will have the patience and strength to meet Edward's needs; and when I don't have the patience or strength, I pray that Edward will sleep the entire night without my assistance. There are many beautiful sides to motherhood and there are many ugly sides to motherhood. If I listed the ugly sides I am sure none of my faithful readers would EVER have a child or they would commit me for insanity. Maybe this is why mothers do not tell the dark side. Well, I will say, after nearly six months of my adventures into motherhood I see more light than dark. I can't wait for the next baby. The challenges you will face on a daily basis can not be prepared for in a classroom. This is real ON THE JOB training in it's best form. Sometimes I long for my easy desk job that had problems I could easily solve. Then I realize those days are in the past and I am the on the job of a serious mission. To raise a strong, healthy, wonderful Man. This Man will be the future. He will need preparation only I can teach him. He will be great. So I must be great.
*If you want to hear the dark side, I will tell you. Just call or email.
